By Jonathan Anthony Burkett
Some memories stay bright no matter how much life happens after them. For me, one of the brightest is the night of February 1, 1993, when I turned six years old at the crossroads on top of our hill in Westmoreland, Jamaica. It was my first big birthday party, and it was also one of the last big moments I shared with my grandfather before my whole life changed.
A party planned by Doctor
After New Year’s Day in 1993, my grandfather started planning. Everybody in our neighborhood called him "Doctor," and so did I. He decided I would have a big party on the night of my birthday at the crossroads, the spot where four roads met at the top of the hill.
Before the party he took me out to buy a new outfit and new shoes. He made sure I got a fresh haircut, what I called a “pretty-boy haircut,” even though I still looked like a young bad boy from the street.
My grandfather did not have much money, and he did not plan for the party to be big. But in Jamaica, once people hear about a party, word spreads. Many more people came than were invited. In my book I wrote that everyone who knew my grandfather and me wanted to come, “if only just to show their love.”
Eight o’clock at the crossroads
Speakers were set up all around, and a DJ was hired to play the music. No cars were allowed on the crossroads that night. At 8:00 p.m. sharp, crowds of people arrived, some dropped off and some walking.
As each guest came in, they walked over and wished me a happy birthday. Everyone wanted me to cut the cake before the music started, because, as I wrote, “once the party started, it definitely would not stop.” People kept telling me I was not a baby anymore. I was a young man now.
Dancing and dominoes
I loved to dance. I had learned my moves from watching dancehall tapes, and that night I put them to work. I danced with the grown women who had fast and flexible moves, and plenty of guests, young and old, tried to compete with my dancing.
Over in a corner, my grandfather, my uncles and their friends sat together having fun and playing dominoes. My cousins and friends filled the middle of the crossroads, dancing.
Grandma at two in the morning
Before I knew it, it was two o’clock in the morning, and people told me my grandmother was looking for me. I was sure she wanted to send me inside, so I ran and hid. She could not catch me, so she called my aunties to help.
When she finally caught me, she was upset, because she had only wanted to check that my special night was going well. Since I had hidden from her, she sent me to bed. I lay there fully dressed, listening to the music and everyone still celebrating outside, and I could not sleep.
The next morning I went outside and watched the DJ and his friends pack up the speakers. They wished me happy birthday again. The DJ joked that all the girls who had danced with me the night before were my girlfriends.
Years later I still wrote, “I still can’t believe that I had just turned six years old and had such a massive birthday party.”
One month later
I did not know it then, but more surprises were coming. In March 1993, just a month after that party, my mother’s husband came to Jamaica to take me to live in Miami. I said goodbye to my family and to the hill, and I tell that story in another article.
What came after was the hardest part of my life: years of neglect and abuse at home, and later, years without a stable place to sleep. I remember so much of my early years in Jamaica because they were the best times of my life. That is why I believe the moments we give children matter so much.
If a child is in immediate danger, call 911. In the U.S., the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is 1-800-422-4453.
What that night teaches me
My grandfather did not have money for a big party. What he had was love, and he showed it in ways that cost very little: new clothes chosen just for me, a haircut, a cake, music and his presence in the corner with his dominoes. The people came because of who he was.
If you are raising, teaching or loving a child, here are a few things that night taught me:
- Make their day about them, even in a small way.
- Let them see you there, even if you are just sitting in the corner.
- Invite the people who love them. Love is the best decoration.
- Do not worry about the budget. Children remember how you made them feel.
If you want to read more about my childhood in Jamaica, my grandfather and everything that came after, you can find my memoir Neglected But Undefeated on the Books page. And if there is a child in your life with a birthday coming up, make a plan this week to show them some love.
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