By Jonathan Anthony Burkett
Teachers, coaches, neighbors, relatives and family friends are often the first adults to notice that something is not right with a child. Neglect can be hard to see, because it is about needs that go unmet rather than a single event. Knowing what to look for, and what to do next, can help you act with care instead of freezing up.
What Neglect Means
Child neglect generally means that a child's basic needs are not being met by the adults responsible for them. Those needs include food, shelter, clothing, hygiene, medical and dental care, education, supervision and emotional care.
Neglect is not the same as a family having a hard week or a messy house. Many loving families struggle with money or time. Concern grows when a pattern appears and a child's health, safety or development is being affected.
Possible Signs to Watch For
No single sign proves neglect, and some of these can have other explanations. A pattern of several signs over time is more meaningful than any one moment.
- Often hungry, hoarding food or asking others for food.
- Clothing that is regularly dirty, poorly fitting or wrong for the weather.
- Persistent poor hygiene, such as untreated lice or strong body odor.
- Untreated medical or dental problems, or missing glasses the child needs.
- Frequent absences from school or often arriving very early and leaving late.
- Young children left alone or in charge of younger siblings for long periods.
- Seeming withdrawn, very tired or unusually eager for adult attention.
- Saying there is no one at home to take care of them.
Trust your sense that something is off, but avoid jumping to conclusions about the family. Your role is to notice and to pass concerns to people trained to assess them.
If a Child Talks to You
Sometimes a child will hint at what is happening, or say it outright. How you respond in that moment matters a great deal.
Stay calm and listen. Let the child speak in their own words without pushing for details or asking leading questions. Thank them for telling you and let them know it is not their fault. Avoid promising to keep it a secret, since you may need to share it with people who can help. You might say, "I'm really glad you told me. I'm going to talk to some people whose job is to help kids stay safe."
Afterward, write down what the child said, using their words as closely as you can, along with the date and time.
Try not to show shock, anger or disgust, even if what you hear is upsetting. Children often watch adult reactions closely, and a strong reaction can make them regret speaking up or take back what they said. A steady, caring response tells them they did the right thing. Afterward, take care of yourself too; hearing a child's pain can be heavy, and it is okay to talk with a trusted colleague or counselor about how it affected you.
How to Report a Concern
You do not need proof to make a report. You only need a reasonable concern. Trained professionals at child protective services will decide whether and how to look into it.
If a child is in immediate danger, call 911. In the U.S., the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is 1-800-422-4453.
Childhelp counselors can talk you through what you have seen and help connect you to the right local agency. You can also contact your state or county child protective services directly. Many professionals, such as teachers, nurses and counselors, are mandated reporters with specific legal duties, so if that is your role, follow your workplace procedures as well.
Avoid confronting the parents or trying to investigate on your own. That can put the child at greater risk and make the professionals' job harder.
Small Ways to Support a Child
Beyond reporting, steady, caring adults can make a real difference in a child's life. A consistent teacher, mentor, coach or neighbor can show a child that they matter.
Be reliable. Notice their efforts and strengths, not just their struggles. Offer a safe, predictable space, such as a classroom routine, a team practice or a regular check-in. Programs like school meal services, after-school clubs and community youth groups can also fill some gaps, so it helps to know what is available in your area.
"Instead of treating your child like how you were treated. Treat them with the same love and attention you wanted from your parents while growing up."
— Jonathan Anthony Burkett, Neglected But Undefeated
Why Speaking Up Matters
Children who are neglected often do not have the words, or the power, to ask for help themselves. An adult who notices and acts can change the direction of a young life.
Jonathan Anthony Burkett, who wrote about his own childhood in his memoir Neglected But Undefeated, often returns to one idea: whatever you have been through, keep going. Children need adults who will help them do exactly that.
Jonathan's childhood shows both sides of this. The adult who made the difference was his teacher, Mrs. Vigness, whom he calls his number one teacher. When a classmate told her the truth about his black eye, she cried, told him he had to learn not to be manipulated, and made sure the school took action. After his grandfather died, she had him eat lunch with her in her classroom for the rest of the school year so she could talk with him. He also remembers adults at church who knew what was happening at home and focused on other things. The gap between those two responses is what this article is about.
To learn more about Jonathan's story and his message of resilience, visit his about page.
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